The news stung. Stung like the last water jump in the steeplechase you fell into that one time, or stung like that time in 2016 when you were told that the Glasgow 10K you just ran a PB in doesn't count because that shower of cowboys that charged you £50 for it, were 149.7m short in their course measurement right. Another virtual challenge...
The inexorable decimation of the Scottish Athletics calendar continues unabated. I am just waiting for the Proclaimers to break into a toe-tapping lament of the demise of the athletics calendar. Emirates no more, Inverness no more...Falkirk no more? At this rate, all I am going have to report on is the jog that the Good Lady broke into upon learning that her beloved Made in Chelsea was about to start.
Action Scenes from The Virtual
Virtual races are ineffably sad. Virtual races are a bit like going for a night out, but with a VR headset strapped to your face, sitting in your bedroom, in your pyjamas, with a moderately sized glass of beer. The communal sharing of a thrill-seeking and lactic throbbing pleasure is lost in the virtual translation; the corinthian camaraderie, the moist armpit thrust into one's face at the race start, the red suited man waving his gun in the air...etc. All difficult to achieve standing in the cold...on your lonesome....on the B8052. The road to nowhere, and everywhere.
The virtual racing requires a great deal of spontaneous imagination, which isn't much use for a Scottish Athletics community spoilt with 150 years of refinement and tradition. The lamppost up ahead isn't actually a lamppost, but the finish line; the shell-suited young man standing outside McDonalds isn't actually a uncouth youth, but is in fact one of your many many fans heralding your passage with proclamations of encouragement. As the lactic begins to course its way to the back of your eyeballs, it starts to all become a bit like trying to deciper the latest public health restrictions; hallucinatory and mind bending.
In any event, last weekend Scotland's brightest and best headed for their local route to partake in the next Virtual Challenge. The dead streets were brought to life with eye-splitting green and pink neon brightness, as athletes laced up the Nike Nxt% shoes. With their carbon plated shoes fastened, and their music players set to their favourite 19th century composer, off they went.
The U20s - 6K
In the U20 females, it was Rhona Mowat of Giffnock North who took gold. Rhona was 10th U20 athlete at Scone in December, and has clearly been working tirelessly over the Christmas period, and she covered her 6K in a sprightly 23:00mins.
I too spent some time engaged with the post-millenial Virtual action, which is both a glowing testimony to the power of the Scottish Athletics community to draw you in, and a crushing indictment on my lack of friends.
Last Saturday I watched (from afar) Central AC U20 athlete Ben MacMillan compete in the Virtual, who, I should bear confession to, is an athlete that I help coach. I kept a safe 2 metres away on my bike, principally because Ben has longer legs than Paul Tergat, and I
wanted to avoid a carbon plate being prized into my jaw. Being frantically conscious that an evening of PS5 gaming lay ahead of him that evening, Ben duly ran a very swift 18:01mins to take the U20 6K
triumph by a dominant margin.
The Women - 8K
In the womens race, and in bronze medal position, it was Noami Lang. Naomi had finished 2nd at Little Moscow in December, and ran her 8K in 28:40mins for 3rd. Maintaining that same pace would equate to a 35:50mins 10K, and with a 10K PB of 37:16mins from 2019, she will need to find a road 10K out the other end of all this.
Jenny Bannerman is just one of the increasing number of outstanding runners coming out of Inverness Harriers, and sticking it to the central belt runners, and she took silver with a 27:56mins performance. However, the winner of the Virtual Challenge was Rebecca Johnson of Edinburgh University Hare and Hounds. Rebecca was 3rd at Little Moscow in November, and upgrades herself to gold with a seizmic 27:37mins performance. From all the team here at The Last Lap, well done Rebecca.
The Men - 8K
The top of the leaderboard was awash with the red of Cambuslang taking 4th, 3rd and 2nd place. Jamie MacKinnon, the U23 from Cambuslang, took to the perimeter of Knightswood Golf Course in the north west of Glasgow where he took bronze in 24:38mins on Sunday morning. On the day before, his red-vested, curly-haired compatriot Gavin Smith was across town at Crown Point athletics track in the East End of Glasgow, where he smashed out at a fine 24:30mins performance. That's 30:30mins 10K pace for a guy with a 10K PB of 31:36mins. Pretty good. Goodness knows how he cajoled that happy bunch at Glasgow Life to open up the track for him.
However, the virtual olive wreath was to be crowned, not upon the head of a Glasgow athlete, but on the head of a Dundee athlete, James Donald. James Donald is the incarnation of Clark Kent; unassuming, polite, mild mannered, but always ready to strip off into a Hawks ensemble, and launch himself into a frenzy of sub-30mins 10K running. James must have found a phone box in Inchture to get changed in, and on the country roads there, he saved the Scottish Athletics community from the enemy of post-24:00mins 8K performances, and delivered 23:45mins for his 8K. If he'd kept going at that clip, it would equate to a 29:40mins 10K. James, dear reader, is in shape.
The Last Lap
There were many conspicuous by their absence in the Virtual last weekend, but of course that's understandable. With no Inter-Districts to qualify for and no prospect of meaningful races on the horizon, it's all starting to become a cold January hell. But then, as Churchill noted 'If you're going through hell, keep going.'
